by Comprehensive Staff

09/29/2015 11:23 pm

Virginity Can't Be Taken

Virginity Test

Virginity is something that is given, never taken.

For the last 23 years I have specialized in working with children and adults who have been victims of sexual abuse.  I was working with a person (going to call her B) who was sexually abused from the age of something to something (four consecutive years).  The details are important to B, but not necessary for this blog. 

Anyway, when B was in college she had a routine medical exam through the university medical center.  The physician asked B if she was sexually active.  When B denied that she had been sexually active the physician gave her a puzzling look, asked again and then felt it was necessary to consult with a colleague. (How intrusive!)  The physician and the colleague concluded she had been sexually active.  So from that point forward, B felt she was no longer a virgin.  (I wanted to SCREAM!  I did not scream, because B did not need to deal with another professional making a clinical error).

The countless victims of sexual abuse have to deal with a multitude of thoughts and feelings.  They should not have to deal with professionals not believing them.  Though I am not female, I do know there are several ways the body part that people associate with virginity can be “broken.”  Just because the hymen is not intact does not mean there is or was “sexual activity.” 

Now let’s get to the virginity part.  Can we come to a common agreement that virginity is something that is voluntarily given by someone who has the cognitive ability to consent?  Virginity should be a state of mind not a physical change in the body.  A sexually assaulted six year old, a teen raped by a relative, or 20 year old date rape victim cannot give away their virginity. In all of these cases and countless others their virginity was also NOT TAKEN!!!  We need to give our children and young people who have experienced sexual abuse the right to remain a virgin, PERIOD. 

Let’s give our children the chance to develop the ability to know and to consent.   Let’s give our survivors of sexual abuse the chance, no, the right, to willingly and knowingly choose to no longer be a virgin.  VIRGINITY is NEVER TAKEN, it can ONLY be GIVEN!

Here at Comprehensive you or your family/friend will receive a trauma informed therapy that works!  We get it, and have the experience and expertise to help guide you through the trauma recovery process.

(SIDE NOTE on consent:  if there is a power difference between two people consent is not possible.  i.e. teacher/student, boss/employee, coach/athlete.) 
(SIDE NOTE 2: B is doing well now that she has learned to challenge the stinkin, thinkin thought that was carelessly implanted by the professional)